I had a Facebook account and kept thinking of vulgar stuff to post. I needed an outlet for things that I didn’t want my nieces or Mom to read. So I created an anonymous twitter account.

Here is a collection of some of the tweets that I posted over approximately a one year period.

Why aren’t there ever supertanker olive oil spills? All the animals would be pre-marinated. That would be delicious.

The El Camino is the mullet of the automotive world.

The first beer after work is almost as good as the nine I had during.

I can’t get the iCarly theme song out of my head and I have an erection. I hope they are not related.

Brushing a dog is like eating crabs. You never finish, you just get tired.

Creationists must think the Flintstones is a documentary.